This week on Help and Hope (CCEF podcast): Ed Welch, Tim Lane and host Andrew Ray discuss Facebook…is it really a place to keep up with relationships? What are the benefits and pitfalls of online social media? Ray opens the interview by stating, “We live in a lonely generation.” Is Facebook beneficial in helping our loneliness? Check it out here.
I recently began reading this book for the first time. These two men certainly have a finger on the pulse of man’s greatest temptation — sexual sin. I have found that those in the church that seem surprised by this often are caught in their own web of deceit and justification. Arterburn and Stoeker leave no stones unturned in this book – a book that I warn you is very detailed. From a pastoral perspective one of the things that struck me was their comment that many young men expect that their sinful tendencies in sexual matters will go away once they are married. But the sinful habits of the eyes and flesh that permeate their mind and heart will follow them into the marriage union. That is why young men must begin to slay sexual immorality. As John Owen once stated, “Be killing sin, or it will be killing you.” While there are many books young men can read (and should!) on the danger of sexual sin (Josh Harris’s Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) [formerly Not Even a Hint] and Eric Lundgaard’s The Enemy Within are excellent counterparts), this one certainly makes the list. Young ladies might also consider the companion book, Every Young Woman’s Battle.
Relationships are often messy. Those whom we love often disappoint and leave us with a feeling of frustration. If you have never experienced difficulty in all of your relationships then I would submit that you are physically dead. You see, on our best days with our best efforts, all relationships are between sinful people. True, some relationships are better than others — the best we would admit would be between mature believers who have experienced and grown in the grace of God. But even mature believers are sinners. Sin makes all relationships messy at times. Further, the arena in which we live our lives is a fallen world full of evil and selfishness.
These things lead to the premise of Paul David Tripp’s book on marriage, What Did You Expect?? (subtitled: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage). His premise is that most marriages have been, are currently, or will be in turmoil because of unrealistic expectations that two people bring into marriage that fuel the flames of sin. The purpose of the book is to glean from the essential wisdom perspectives that Scripture gives us that enable us to have realistic expectations for our marriages. These are that we recognize:
1) You are conducting your marriage in a fallen world.
2) You are a sinner married to a sinner.
3) God is faithful, powerful, and willing to transform our marriages by His grace.
He then proposes six commitments in order for marriages to be reconciled:
1. We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.
2. We will make growth and change our daily agenda.
3. We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.
4. We will commit to building a relationship of love.
5. We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace.
6. We will work to protect our marriage.
Yes, marriage is hard work! It is much more difficult to set it right than it is to mess it up. Yet, by God’s grace and our understanding of who He is, who we are, and what our marriages are to reflect, our households can be the gospel outposts they are supposed to be. Read this book — whether you have been married fifty years or fifty days. Read it if you have plans to marry in the near future. “Realistic expectations are not about hope without honesty, and they are not about honesty without hope. Realism is found at the intersection of unabashed honesty and uncompromising hope. God’s Word and God’s grace make both possible in your marriage… Are your expectations for your marriage realistic?” [from back cover]
I am thankful for the ministry of CCEF (Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation). Their materials have proved invaluable to me in my counseling ministry. Justin Taylor posted the following with links to this article I first read as part of CCEF’s first modular class in Biblical Counseling.
In Counterfeit Gods Keller says that David Powlison’s article, “Idols of the Heart and Vanity Fair,” originally published in The Journal of Biblical Counseling, “has been in circulation for over two decades and has been seminal for my thinking.”
I highly recommend downloading and reading this article (available in PDF and html). It had a big impact on me when I first read it several years ago.
Thanks to CCEF for making this available online for free. Again, it is well worth your time to read, to ponder, and to implement.
HT: Justin Taylor
